I’m back, from an unexpected month long hiatus. I’m 13 weeks pregnant. Very close to my second trimester. With my pregnancy arrived an unexpected guest, exhaustion. As I’m writing this, I feel like the cause and effect relationship between exhaustion and motivation, seems obvious. Lack of motivation - loss of energy. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I lost all drive. I quit everything that had interested me. I quit photography, I quit taking online classes, I quit developing my paper company, the list goes on. I almost had an aversion to working on anything that had previously inspired me. I experienced it as a collapse. I was stunned by it. I felt betrayed by it. I felt all inspiration leave me, and long naps filled the space.
I am now starting to feel myself again, but I am still having trouble committing to time in my studio again. I feel that I am being melodramatic. However, I still feel the need to talk about this, so I know it’s really bothered me on a deeper level. I’m hoping I can get this all out and move on. I think that I feel a deep bond to what I create. I feel that it’s a deeper part of me, and that it just was yanked away. I think it can be compared to the way a close friend can hurt you so much deeper than an acquaintance. My energy left, my inspiration went out the window, It hurt.
Now, I feel that I’m on the mend. I hope to be writing regularly again! I have some big projects coming up!
Thanks for reading!