Getting back to me.

 I’m back, from an unexpected month long hiatus. I’m 13 weeks pregnant. Very close to my second trimester. With my pregnancy arrived an unexpected guest, exhaustion. As I’m writing this, I feel like the cause and effect relationship between exhaustion and motivation, seems obvious. Lack of motivation - loss of energy. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I lost all drive. I quit everything that had interested me. I quit photography, I quit taking online classes, I quit developing my paper company, the list goes on. I almost had an aversion to working on anything that had previously inspired me.  I experienced it as a collapse. I was stunned by it. I felt betrayed by it.  I felt all inspiration leave me, and long naps filled the space. 

 I am now starting to feel myself again, but I am still having trouble committing to time in my studio again. I feel that I am being melodramatic. However, I still feel the need to talk about this, so I know it’s really bothered me on a deeper level. I’m hoping I can get this all out and move on. I think that I feel a deep bond to what I create. I feel that it’s a deeper part of me, and that it just was yanked away.  I think it can be compared to the way a close friend can hurt you so much deeper than an acquaintance. My energy left, my inspiration went out the window, It hurt. 

Now, I feel that I’m on the mend. I hope to be writing regularly again! I have some big projects coming up!

Thanks for reading!

-Mandy Benoit